KK's Korner

I really don’t pay attention to the Pittsburgh Pirates. However, during the first few weeks of a season, before the team’s “games behind” number doesn’t yet reach double digits, I will turn on a Pirates talk show and give it a listen. It’s always entertaining listening to Pirates fans this time of year. They’re so … I can’t even think of the word.

It’s not like these people actually believe the team will contend for a division title an 82-win season. Instead, most of the talk, especially from the talk show callers, revolves around the Bucs’ “good young prospects” and how with a little more big-league seasoning they can get traded away for other “good young prospects.”

On a local sports talk radio show today that was broadcast at the same time as the Pirates first game of the season, the guy said, “Neil Walker hits a grand slam. No, this is not an April Fools’ joke.”

I still had to change the radio station to the game to actually believe it.

The 6-3 loss to the Pittsburgh Pirates on Friday resembled a lot of losses at Wrigley Field over the years with other skippers in the dugout.

The Cubs looked comfortable with a 2-0 lead and Ryan Dempster on the mound. And then suddenly a couple of walks and two swings of the bat changed everything and spoiled opening day.

Dempster gave up a grand slam to Neil Walker in the fifth — after two walks — and a two-run homer to Andrew McCutchen in the seventh after getting two outs.

An unconstitutional take-over of the health care system that won’t “add one dime” to the deficit.

Big whoop.

Picking Pitt to reach the Final Four?

Filling out a March Madness 2011 bracket for ESPN on Wednesday, President Hussein made his annual NCAA Tournament picks. Chalk would be the apt word for his March Madness bracket, with upsets hard to come by and all four No. 1 seeds in the Final Four. Yes, Ohio State, Duke, Kansas and Pittsburgh all survived the regionals in the Muslim Wookie Fucker’s bracket, which has Kansas beating Ohio State for the national championship.

Now I really know the Kenyan Koffee Fetcher is out of touch.

So I guess the big story in this year’s list of basketball teams left out of the tournament is Colorado University. I hate these stories. Yeah, let’s waste our time talking about an imperfect team that SHOULD have deserved to be one of 60+ other teams to lose in the greatest tournament of all. This is almost as dumb as the similar debate about who gets left off an all-star team.

Besides, that’s what the NIT is for. No joke.

Sure it’s not March Madness, but those “bubble” teams have the ability to extend their season by five games should they go on a run in the NIT. And if you’re a really good mediocre team, you’ll get a few more games in front of your fans.

Here’s another plus. In previous years the NIT winner had to endure the quip, “We’re Number 65 (or 66, depending on the year).” Now with the March Madness tournament expanded to 68 teams, the NIT champ now gets to say, “Were 69.”

So why aren’t all those “first round” NCAA games being played by the bottom eight teams for the right to get manhandled by a #1 seed in the “second round” of March Madness? I don’t follow any of this, so I’m sure there’s an explanation. I’m just lazy.

Oh what the heck, I’ll try to look it up.

The final four at-large teams and final four automatic qualifiers in the newly minted 68-team NCAA men’s basketball tournament field will meet for the right to enter the traditional 64-team draw, tournament selection committee chairman Dan Guerrero announced Monday.

A few paragraphs later.

Guerrero and Shaheen said the last four at-large teams would be put on the seed line the committee decided they earned. So, this could mean that two could be considered No. 12 seeds playing for the right to play a No. 5 and two could be No. 11s vying to play a No. 6 in the second round.

Oh that’s stupid. One section of the bracket has multiple play-in games, err, first-round games.

I don’t mind having 68 teams, but have the winners play the top seed in each region. And have the bottom eight teams play each other. Period.

So as I was driving home from work today, I noticed that there was a loooong-ass backup on the highway heading inbound toward Pittsburgh. This CAN’T be due to the Arena Football League home opener tonight, could it?

Nope. There was flooding and traffic was being detoured. Thank God.

I know there are some labor issues with the NFL, but that’s no reason to go off the deep end and get tickets to the Pittsburgh POWER.

I never got the appeal of arena football. If you like it, then more power to you. For me it just seems … I can’t describe it. Just doesn’t do anything for me. Then again, you’re talking to someone that was a multi-year season ticket holder to the city’s Major Indoor Lacrosse League team from the early 1990s.

Perhaps one reason I don’t care for arena football is because it didn’t do so well the first time around in these parts.

The Tampa Bay Storm are an Arena Football League (AFL) team based in the Tampa Bay Area of Florida. They play their home games in the St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa.

The team began play in 1987 as the Pittsburgh Gladiators, one of the AFL’s four charter franchises, and the only one still operating. They relocated to Tampa in 1991 and adopted their current name. They played in Tampa from 1991–2008, after which point the AFL folded, and resumed operations for the 2010 season following the league’s restructuring.

And of course once the team left Pittsburgh, it went on to win five championships.

So what’s my opinion of the recent trading activity in the NBA?

Uhhh…

Carmelo Anthony going to the Knicks just seemed weird. If Anthony REALLY wanted to go to the Knicks, just wait until next year so the Knicks could keep their roster in tact. Sure he may have the opportunity to make less money if he signs as a free agent with a new collective bargaining deal in place, but if you REALLY want to go play somewhere woudn’t it be worth it to take less money and have a better core of players to partner up with?

Then again, I have no clue who the Knicks actually gave up. And if Chauncey Billups is part of the team’s long-term plans, then the Knicks may have done the right thing.

Then there was the Jazz trading that Williams guy to the Nets. Yeah, “that Williams guy” in the NBA. That’s like saying “that Smith person” in my phone book. After Jerry Sloan resigned as the Jazz head coach, I was surprised that Utah traded away the player who it seemed was feuding with Jerry. I never had a problem with Sloan, but I could tell he was an old-school asshole (I’m using “asshole” in a positive way, mind you) that didn’t take anybody’s shit. For some reason, I doubt that persona would go over well with some of today’s professional athletes. One reason I think Sloan lasted as long as he did was because for much of his career he had his two superstars — Karl Malone and John Stockton — who seemed like players who would buy into his coaching style. Anyway, for Jersey’s sake, I hope Williams doesn’t bolt for another team when he becomes a free agent.

What else happened this trading season? I dunno. A bunch of people I never heard of got moved. I have no idea who’s good anymore. If a person got traded for some first-round picks, I assumed they were of prominence. Oh, there was that Perkins guy from Boston who went to Oklahoma for some guy. *shrug*

It’s funny. When I was a kid/teenager, I used to religiously follow this stuff in all leagues. Now I’m indifferent.

Oh, Mike Bibby went to the Heat after having his contract bought out by the Wizards. I like Bibby. Too bad I now have to pull against him now that he signed with Le Heat. Oh, that game I just watched was great.

Following their 87-86 loss to the Chicago Bulls, the Miami Heat are upset. So upset, in fact, that a few of them are crying in the locker room.

According to Miami Heat coach Erik Spoelstra, via ESPN’s Brian Windhorst, “some Heat players are crying in the locker room at the moment.” That tidbit was also confirmed by South Florida Sun-Sentinel beat writer Ira Winderman, who tweeted that Spoelstra said, “There are a couple of guys crying there in the locker room.”

Every time LeBron misses a game-winning shot the Baby Jesus weeps … tears of joy. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. It’s amazing how much my opinion of James has changed. I used to really like the guy, and now I don’t care for him at all. It wasn’t because he chose to take his talents to South Beach — who can fault anybody for wanting to leave Cleveland? It’s because of the way he acts whenever his team is in the lead and how he acts whenever his team loses a big game or a playoff series. If you’re going to joke around and show-up the other team when the going’s good, then man up and be a good sport when your team gets bested.

Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. NBA trades. Well there you have it.

Oh God.

So the Pirates are playing some radio ads with nostalgia-like music and some quotes of previous icons.

“The greatest thing in the world is winning a major league game. The second greatest thing in the world is to lose a major league game…” — Chuck Tanner.

Really, Pirates? You’re going with THIS as a marketing strategy?

This makes the, “We Will…” campaign from a few years ago look ingenious.

So I turned on my DVR’d “Jim Rome is Burning” show today, and I was burning.

It was bad enough he played an extended clip of the Muslim Wookie Fucker talking about the NFL labor issues. It was even worse when I noticed the bottom-of-the-screen scrawl issuing BrEaKiNg NeWs that the NFL owners and union sides agreed to … add on another 24 hours to the “deadline” for labor talks.

It got … worst … when I heard some additional horseshit about how the players and owners need to consider the fans in all this.

Fuck that.

The owners pay the bills.

The players take years off their lives to engage in this profession.

If the fans wanted to make their voices heard, they would stop going to games and stop buying merchandise. These labor talks aren’t about the fans. They’re about the players and owners. If this pissing contest results in a shortened season, then so be it. They’re only hurting themselves with that scenario. And perhaps for the long-term future of the league, it may be a good thing to get this upcoming labor agreement right.

Who do I side with in this situation? I have to say the players. As I said above, these guys take years off their lives, and with contracts that are not guaranteed, I don’t blame them for trying to get as much financial security as they can. I don’t like the 18-game schedule one bit, and I hope it doesn’t happen. However, it probably will. If that’s the case, then the players need to get as much as they can from this — especially when it comes to expanded rosters.

Without getting into the nuts and bolts of the financial issues that are being discussed behind closed doors, I do like the idea of a rookie salary cap. While I’m not a fan of salary caps in general, if there is a salary cap in place, I think more money should go to proven veterans than rookies. Hopefully, that doesn’t make me a Communist.

A guy can get up to 10 years in jail for poisoning some trees at Auburn University.

News that a rabid Crimson Tide fan poisoned 130-year-old live oaks at Auburn University’s historic Toomer’s Corner has whipped the state into a frenzy usually reserved for the Iron Bowl. The bizarre incident has exposed an old-fashioned hate that’s not always clean.

“I think [Harvey Almorn Updyke, charged with the poisoning] is representative of a fringe element of fans right now who are angry about a lot of things,” sports talk show host Paul Finebaum told the Birmingham News. “They are angry about Auburn winning the national championship, but they are equally angry about what happened at the game in Tuscaloosa, and about the fact that they don’t believe Cam Newton should have been eligible, and they don’t believe Auburn won a legitimate national championship.

“You get all of these different things working together, and I think the anger level for this is much higher than it’s been,” said Finebaum, who, on Jan. 27, received a call from an Alabama fan claiming to have poisoned the treasured oaks. According to an affidavit released by the Lee County District Court, Updyke admitted to making that call and one other, to a Auburn professor of turfgrass management and weed science, regarding the incident.

The trees are given almost no chance of surviving the Spike 80DF, or tebuthiuron, that Updyke is accused of applying in lethal amounts. “It’ll take divine intervention” to save them, former Auburn Athletic Director David Housel told the Atlanta Journal-Constipation.

Other people get shit-faced, go out and kill someone and don’t even get jail time. Yet some people wonder why I’m constantly looking for the world’s reset button.

Now the harshest-penalty mentioned is a common tactic for many news stories, but still. The guy poisoned trees. He damaged property. No way in hell this should get a harsher sentence than someone killing another person.

So I guess I should talk about the Super Bowl.

Meh. The best team won. How’s that for insight?

It’s funny because that’s pretty much the mood around here since the Packers beat the Steelers. And really, what can a yinzer bitch about? The officiating wasn’t bad. Pittsburgh turned the ball over way more than the Packers did. Aaron Rodgers just picked apart the Steelers’ defense. The attitude around here seems to be, “Hey, a small market team that we don’t hate won. That’s OK … for now. At least it wasn’t Dallas or Philadelphia.”

The weird thing about this game is that it could have went in two different directions. For one thing, there were a lot of drops by Green Bay receivers that could have made this game a blow-out. For another thing, the Steelers could have won the game. With their run in the second half, I actually thought this could happen. That was until Rashard Mendenhall fumbled the ball and Green Bay went on to score. Hell, I was actually thinking to myself, “If the Steelers do win this, I’d make Mendenhall the MVP,” just seconds before the turnover happened.

Who did I think would win the game? I thought the Packers. However, I did think the Steelers had a chance if they would have come out and smacked the Packers around at the start of the game. Why did I think this? With parity in the NFL, many of the more recent Super Bowls feature teams that we wouldn’t consider to be dynasties. As a result, there is a lot of tentative play in a Super Bowl’s first half. I thought the Steelers, being the more “experienced” team, could take advantage of this. Boy was that not the case. Another “way off” prediction was that the Steelers offensive line was going to wilt against the Packers’ defense. That really wasn’t the case; the unit played a lot better than I thought they would.

So there’s my expert commentary for yet another Super Bowl. Take me out, Packer fan.

I sure can’t wait for the big football match today.

Chelsea v. Liverpool is now only 45 minutes away.

No clue who is on what team. I don’t even really like either squad.

Goalies fighting. Seriously.

The Penguins won another game with Evgeni Malkin and Sidney Crosby out of the lineup, showing that they can gut out victories without their two biggest stars. Really, at this point, the team might be wise to consider letting Malkin rest for as long as the other guys keep putting wins together. (Crosby is still far enough away from a return that they can’t really dictate his comeback at this point.)

Tyler Kennedy and Chris Kunitz beat DiPietro for the Penguins’ two first period goals while Maxime Talbot iced the game with an empty-netter. Johnson didn’t settle for beating up DiPietro alone, as he stopped all the 20 shots he faced before Marc-Andre Fleury played out the game’s final 17 seconds.

Do they throw stuff at each other from across the rink during the pre-game or something?

Marc-André Fleury’s reaction at 0:56 is the highlight for me.

Wow, Matt. Your “CBA” line was funny. No way you should have taken that down. The cover-up is always worse than the crime. What — You think nobody’s going to find out?

Believe me, when you post something online, it’s there for life. And yes, that means I’m in a world of shit myself.

Matt Hasselbeck’s question about Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie was pointed.

“Somebody ask Cromartie if he knows what CBA stands for,” Hasselbeck posted via his Twitter account, a remark he later deleted.

Cromartie’s response got personal: “I will smash ur face in.”

That not-so-social media exchange via Twitter on Thursday stemmed from Cromartie’s repeated public questioning of the leadership of the NFL Players Association this week.

Cromartie, who is scheduled to be a free agent, called union leader DeMaurice Smith a crass name. He used the same term to talk about the owners’ negotiators. He criticized their inability to reach an agreement on a new labor deal and dismissed statements from Baltimore’s Ray Lewis and Arizona’s Darnell Dockett about player solidarity.

On Thursday, Hasselbeck posted on his Twitter account: “Somebody ask Cromartie if he knows what CBA stands for,” referring to the collective bargaining agreement. The agreement that governs the working arrangement in the league will expire March 4. If the union and ownership don’t negotiate a new agreement, the NFL could begin its first work stoppage since 1987.

Back in 1985 there was the Bears’ “Superbowl Shuffle.”

Can’t hate on this.

Then there was even the Patriots attempt at a rebuttal.

It’s lame, but I have a soft spot for this one.

But then there was this.

I don’t think I have ever appreciated the Pittsburgh Polka more than I do now.

Yeah, because things like a region’s economic condition and infrastructure should have equal weight as the number of psychiatrists and how good the local football team performs.

After a more-than-disappointing year and the realization that Cincinnati has only had two winning seasons in the past two decades, Bengals fans feel pretty down in the dumps about the quality of the pro football in the Queen City.

Just how depressed is the city of Cincinnati compared to the rest of the cities in the U.S. with an NFL team? One website compiled a list of the most depressed pro football cities to find out.

Avvo.com compiled the list made up of the 14 NFL cities that have never won a Super Bowl, basing their rankings on factors including overall team performance, psychiatrists per capita, unemployment, heavy drinking, adults with hypertension, average yearly sunshine and average commute time to and from work.

Here is the complete list.

1. Philadelphia
2. Atlanta
3. Cincinnati
4. Houston
5. San Diego
6. Detroit
7. Jacksonville
8. Cleveland
9. Charlotte
10. Seattle
11. Phoenix
12. Buffalo
13. Nashville
14. Minneapolis

I can see Minneapolis being the least-depressed. Buffalo being ranked 12th surprises me. I’ve been there. They ought to be in the Top 5.

And the fact that Detroit is not ranked in the top spot immediately makes this list invalid.

And here comes the $2 fireworks show the neighbors put on after each Conference/Super Bowl win. Hopefully the cold weather will keep this a brief extravaganza.

What do I have to say about the Steelers win against the Jets?

1) I will never understand why teams play not to win once they get a double-digit lead. The Steelers were up 24-0 in the first half and allowed the Jets back in the game to the point where a touchdown would have won the game. The best call the Steelers had in the second half was to actually throw for a first down after the two-minute warning. Why bother running for a few yards, put the game in the hands of your defense and hope the other team doesn’t score when you can just get a first down and end it right then. That’s what I like about the Pats; they don’t mess around. You’re down by 20, they want you down by 30. It’s fourth-and-1; win the game on one play.

2) To the asshole in the stands that yelled, “Get him off the field” when the Jets center was down hurt on the field. You need an appointment with a speeding MACK truck on I-279.

3) Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

If you are going to have this much time go by between your regular season and so-called “National Championship,” make the game five periods or something. It takes the teams at least a quarter to get their mojo running.

And with all that time spent preparing for this game, I hope Cam’s at least getting time-and-a-half.

My final thought regarding the last exhibition college football game of the season, and I can’t say this enough. Hey ESPN/Charles Barkley, still think Auburn should have hired Turner Gill instead?

At home with the Mrs. with a Philadelphia Eagles playoff game starring Michael Vick on the TV. All the ingredients for a perfect storm of obscenities are ready…

…actually, the result was pretty much a dud. She fell asleep by the second half and only dropped a few f-bombs on Vick.

You know, if the Seattle Seahawks reach the Super Bowl, they will be one game above .500 — that’s awesome.

Damn I wish I had put money down on that game. I didn’t think they’d win, but the Saints defense was banged up and Seattle plays solid at home.

But you know, if the Seattle Seahawks reach the Super Bowl, they will be one game above .500 — that’s awesome.

So yesterday my gut was telling me that Wisconsin was going to pull away from TCU and win the Rose Bowl. And the Badgers would have won — if college football had five 15-minute periods.

Yay, TCU. I find it funny that for a team which was heralded for its defense the offense carried the day. The Horn Frog’s defense looked WAY out-sized, but a win’s a win.

Especially when it’s in Pasadena.

So I can’t decide which Big 10 beat-down I’m enjoyed more today — Michigan State getting trounced by Alabama or Michigan getting pummeled by Mississippi State. Then again, it’s always fun whenever Penn State loses, even it was a close game.

It’s now half-time at the Rose Bowl and it’s a pretty solid offensive game. Something tells me Wisconsin will make the necessary halftime adjustments and pull away, but I’m routing for TCU if only for exposing the bullshit that is the NCAA’s “regular season tournament.” BcS indeed.

And the following conversation was had by the better half an I as we took down the Christmas tree during the start of this game. You can figure out who’s who.

“Gooooo Horned Frogs!”

“What the hell did you say?”

“I’m cheering on TCU.”

“They call themselves the Horned Frogs?”

“Yes.”

“That is the stupidest thing I ever heard.”

“You said the same thing last year when they were on TV.”

Oh pretty please with sprinkles on top have the Winter Classic start at 8 pm tonight. I have zero desire to watch Oklahoma destroy UConn in the Fiesta Bowl.

Bummer the weather got warmer around here; it’s been cold and snowing for the last month or so. Damn you global warming.

While I’m on the subject of the NHL’s “Winter Classic.” Maybe it’s because I live in a “hockey” region, but what’s the big deal with this thing? Sure it’s neat to have a hockey game outside in a football/baseball stadium, but it just seems to be a bunch of hoopla about nothing.

Then again, I shouldn’t pee in the punch bowl. The NHL seems to have a good thing going with this, so I really shouldn’t hate (much).

So a while back I talked about discovering the name to a song I had heard for years but never knew its name. Then it was “Cliffs of Dover.”

Now’s it’s “Round Up” by Sam Spence for NFL Films. I’ve heard this track for decades, but I never knew what it was called … until now.

If this does nothing for you, then you’re a Communist — with a Capital “C.”

This has got to be one of the biggest non-stories of the year. So the guy has a thing for his wife’s feet. How long have they been married? If he still finds his better irresistible after all these years then more power to him. I guess the only lesson to be learned here is to not video tape any of your private affairs and perhaps they won’t go public.

Foot-fetish videos of a woman who’s a dead ringer for the wife of Jets coach Rex Ryan burned up the Internet Tuesday night – giving the word “football” a whole new meaning.

One of the four videos on the sports gossip site Deadspin.com show the woman and an off-screen cameraman who sounds like Ryan having intimate discussions about her feet.

The petite blonde showing off her toes in the videos bears an uncanny resemblance to Michelle Ryan, the coach’s wife of 23 years.

So the UConn’s women’s basketball team broke the all-time consecutive wins streak previously held by the UCLA Bruins.

In other news, I’m going to bed.

Well if OJ Simpson was allowed to remarry…

Eagles quarterback Michael Vick, who spent time in prison for his involvement in dog fighting, said Tuesday having a dog as a pet would help in his rehabilitation

In an interview with NBC News and TheGrio.com, Vick said, “I would love to get another dog in the future. I think it would be a big step for me in the rehabilitation process.

“I think just to have a pet in my household and to show people that I genuinely care, and my love and my passion for animals; I think it would be outstanding. If I ever have the opportunity again I will never take it for granted. I miss having a dog right now. I wish I could. My daughters miss having one, and that’s the hardest thing: telling them that we can’t have one because of my actions.”/blockquote>

“Legends” and “Leaders.” These are possibly the dumbest names for a conference that I’ve ever heard.

Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany said the conference wanted to choose football division names that reflected both the league’s past and future.

And here they are: “Legends” and “Leaders.”

Iowa, Michigan, Michigan State, Minnesota, Nebraska and Northwestern will compete in the Legends division beginning in 2011. Illinois, Indiana, Ohio State, Penn State, Purdue and Wisconsin will vie for the Leaders title.

Delany said the Big Ten felt it could not select legendary names such as “Hayes” and “Schembechler” because that would not have been “inclusive enough.” And geographic descriptions such as “Plains” and “Great Lakes” would have been, well, inaccurate.

So he said the league chose terms that reflect “our history and our future.”

You know, I actually like the “Hayes” and “Schembechler” idea. Well, maybe not “like,” but it’s better than “Legends” and “Leaders.” Actually, I like “Plains” and “Great Lakes” most of all.

So my local Fox Sports affiliate often replays Penguin games after the fact. I’ve never really paid much attention to these broadcasts. After all, the game has been played. I usually know the score anyway, so what’s the point?

Well last night the Penguins played at Buffalo and I had no idea who won this game. Because college football is over for the next few weeks, and there was nothing live going on at the NHL and NBA channels, I figured what the hell and had this replay game on as background noise as I did other things around the house.

I was glad I made this decision. Not only were the lengthy intermission breaks all but eliminated from this rebroadcast, but there was some other editing that turned this usual two-and-a-half contest into to just two hours. I might have to do this more often.

My only complaint. The “Fox Sports” icon at the top right corner of my screen had listed underneath the logo, “Rain Delay.” Surely someone can sub that out with “Replay” or a similar phrase.

Fox Sports also does replays with Pirate games. If you expect me to say anything more about this then you’re mistaken.

Headline: Snow grounds NY Giants plane en route to Minnesota Vikings. In a related story, Roger Goodell fines Mother Nature $50k. (Video of the snow invasion.)

A powerful, gusty storm is dumping mounds of snow across the upper Midwest.

The storm has closed major highways in several states, canceled more than 1,400 flights in Chicago and collapsed the roof of the Minnesota Vikings’ stadium.

The Metrodome collapse reportedly happened around 5 a.m. Sunday morning. The Teflon roof is an inflatable roof which covers the Mall of America field during inclement weather.

According to Roy Terwilliger, chair of the Metropolitan Facilities Commission, there are an unknown number of tears in the roof. One of those tears is in the middle of the roof and allowed some snow and ice to spill onto the playing field.

The Metrodome was scheduled to be the site of a Monday night NFL game between the Minnesota Vikings and New York Giants. However, the NFL says the Metrodome will not be able to host the game. The game will be played tomorrow night in Detroit.

You know, if I had the choice to play in a collapsed Metrodome or in Detroit, I think I’d pick the former.

This actually does bring up a legit question. If you are a Lions fan and happen to go to this Vikings/Giants game, who do you cheer for? Do you passions go with your divisional foe or against your divisional foe? Just an interesting social experiment, I guess.

So while watching the Red Zone channel yesterday, I heard during several broadcasts that the NFL did something different schedule-wise this year and backloaded each team’s schedule to include more divisional matchups toward the end of the regular season. You mean they haven’t been doing this before?

Oh, and I’ve also been hearing grumblings about not automatically awarding division winners a postseason berth. The reason this talk is going on is because of the godawful NFC West where it’s possible a sub-.500 team could win the division. A division winner deserves a postseason spot, no matter the record. Otherwise, don’t put teams in divisions.

It’s the middle of the first quarter, and I’m still undecided on who I want to win the SEC Championship Game — Auburn or South Carolina.

I would normally pull for Auburn due to the racism head coach Gene Chizik endured when he became the head coach a few years ago.

However, I want as much chaos as possible in the BcS system, so I want there to be just one undefeated team by day’s end — TCU.

I’d be content with either Auburn or Oregon losing today, but Auburn is playing a better team than Oregon. Therefore, if you go by the numbers South Carolina has a better chance of pulling the upset on Auburn than Oregon State has of defeating its in-state rival.

So I’m switching channels between the Cincinnati/Pitt game and the SMU/UCF game. I heard this broadcasting gem from the Cincy/Pitt commentators.

But first let me set this up: The game is being played in Cincinnati and it is snowing. The Pitt players are in all-white uniforms, making them blend in quite well with the surroundings.

The one broadcaster says that this “camouflage” will help the Pitt defense because the Cincinnati quarterback won’t be able to see them out on the field.

True, but wouldn’t it also affect the Pitt offense because the Pitt quarterback won’t be able to see his receivers on the field either?

While the Pitt quarterback benefits with the knowledge of knowing the play, he is also hampered if his receiver screws up the route.

That’s all. Thank you drive-thru.

In Russia, soccer ball kicks you.

Muscovites reacted joyously tonight to the news that Russia will host the 2018 World Cup. As temperatures outside dipped below -20C, many thousands of viewers were glued to the announcement from Zurich, shown live on Russia’s national sports channel, Rossiya 2.

Uh, hooray?

I guess I’m biased to countries attempting to host an event like this which haven’t yet done so in my lifetime.

But what got me was finding out the 2022 World Cup host.

Russia and Qatar won the right to host soccer’s World Cup tournaments in 2018 and 2022, in a surprise ending to a process that has been marred by accusations of vote rigging.

The decision by soccer’s ruling body FIFA comes as a particular blow to the hopes of the U.S. delegation, whose bid for the 2022 event had long been considered the favorite.

In selecting Qatar, the tiny emirate in the heart of the Middle East, FIFA chose to bring the World Cup to a Muslim nation for the first time. A desire to make history, and the opportunity to partner with the natural-gas fortune of the Qatari royal family, ultimately proved irresistible to FIFA. Qatar has promised to spend $4 billion to build nine stadiums, renovate three others and equip all of them with a high-tech, outdoor air-conditioning system to combat summer temperatures that can reach 120 degrees. The country has vowed to spend an additional $50 billion on infrastructure ahead of the tournament.

I don’t know if Israel has a team that competes in World Cup qualifiers, but if they do I’m hoping they make it to the big stage in 2022. Ought to be an … interesting experience to say the least.

Note to self: Stay away from national sports talk/coverage this week, what with N00-Yawk heroically going down the field in the waning moments against the league’s worst pass defense that gave up a hail mary touchdown pass last week.

Santonio Holmes caught a 6-yard touchdown pass from Mark Sanchez with 10 seconds left, lifting the New York Jets to a stunning 30-27 comeback victory over the Houston Texans on Sunday.

After the Jets blew a 16-point lead in the fourth quarter, they trailed 27-23 with less than a minute left. But Sanchez completed two passes to LaDainian Tomlinson, then had a pretty 42-yard throw to Braylon Edwards with 16 seconds remaining.

On the next play, Sanchez found Holmes streaking into the left corner of the end zone for the Jets’ winning score. A video replay confirmed that Holmes, whose 37-yard touchdown catch won last Sunday’s game at Cleveland in overtime, got both feet in bounds for New York (8-2).

It was another heartbreaking loss for the Texans (4-6), who fell last week on a desperation heave as time expired at Jacksonville.

So earlier this week the Steelers cut kicker Jeff Reed. And he’s still getting offers.

A fully-guaranteed $2.8 million contract can make a kicker a little picky. That’s precisely how former Steelers kicker Jeff Reed is feeling after clearing waivers on Wednesday.

Cut Tuesday by the Steelers, the team’s 2010 franchise player cleared waivers on Wednesday. According to Len Pasquarelli of The Sports Xchange, Reed has spurned opportunities to join another team, and he’ll take at least a week off.

With pay. More than $160,000 of it.

“Jeff is not going to kick this week, although he could have,” agent Don Henderson tells Pasquarelli. “He decided he wants to just let the dust settle a bit before he moves on.”

Reed was contacted by three teams, and he received offers from two of them.

The better approach would be to wait for the best opportunity to hitch his wagon to a potential Super Bowl contender. And he’ll continue to get those $160,000-per-week checks from the Steelers until he makes up his mind.

Actually, he’ll continue to get them after he makes up his mind. The question is when and if he wants to add to that via what likely will be a one-year deal for the veteran minimum.

Until then, he’ll have plenty of time to practice those pesky 26-yard field goals.

I’m not surprised at other teams wanting to snatch Reed up. Sure the guy hasn’t had the best of seasons, but there’s got to be more to the story of why the Steelers let him go. For starters, Reed wasn’t the happiest camper in Yinzer Nation, especially since he was hit with the franchise label this year. Additionally, he had been involved with some public spectacles over the past few years, including one where he got all James Harrison on a convenience store towel dispenser. (Hey, I’d be lying if I said I never damaged an inanimate object.)

Pennsylvania state police say Reed threw a temper tantrum at a Sheetz convenience store in New Alexandria, a tiny borough about 35 miles east of Pittsburgh, because its restroom didn’t have any towels.

Reed has been cited for disorderly conduct and criminal mischief, offenses similar to traffic tickets that carry a maximum fine of $300 and 90 days in jail each. Police said he broke the towel dispenser then used profane language to an employee and also outside the store.

“Reed caused damage to a towel dispenser as he was infuriated at the fact that there were no towels in it,” according to a news release by Trooper Shawn Askins, who issued the citations. The incident occurred Saturday about 2:50 a.m.

This type of thing doesn’t go over well with the Rooney family. They like their players to go after their women, not innocent towel dispensers.

And all I got to say is if people thought Reed was bad, wait until they see the new kicker who didn’t make it on the Dallas Cowboys roster.

Well this is a relief.

The contract that supposedly guaranteed Donovan McNabb $40 million could turn out to be worth a mere $3.5 million.

McNabb’s agent, Fletcher Smith, clarified some of the details of McNabb’s deal Tuesday. Smith said that while the contract is worded so that it has “$40 million in guarantees,” the Redskins do have an option to cut McNabb at the end of the season with no further money due.

McNabb received a $3.5 million bonus this year as part of the new agreement, but the rest of the five-year, $78 million package would be voided if the team cuts him.

The clause essentially gives the Redskins seven more games to decide if McNabb is truly the quarterback to lead the team under coach Mike Shanahan, who infamously benched the former Eagle in the final two minutes of a loss to Detroit two weeks ago.

McNabb said Tuesday on his weekly radio show that there is language in the deal that was necessitated by the possibility of a lockout in 2011.

“That doesn’t mean I won’t be a Redskin,” McNabb said. “I will be here next year. … Not just next year, but after that as well.”

I never saw Donovan McNabb as a five-year, $78 million quarterback, ever … ever.

I just had a little $78 million kid come up to me and ask if it was OK for him to play quarterback.

The boss asked me today if I watched last night’s Patriots/Steelers game (she’s a big black-and-gold supporter). I said it’s always fun to see the Steelers be Brady’s bitch.

If there were any lingering doubts I wasn’t getting a pay increase for 2011, this sealed the deal.

Goddamn can Brady pick the Steelers apart. Some people just have a team’s number.

Not many teams beat the Steelers. Tom Brady not only beats them, he embarrasses them.

Brady maintained his mastery of the Steelers, throwing three touchdown passes to tight end Rob Gronkowski and scoring once himself, and the Patriots bounced back from a humbling 20-point loss by beating the Steelers 39-26 on Sunday night.

I made a reference to the Jaguars/Texans game yesterday, but I feel the need to comment on this game once again.

Coach Gary Kubiak said on Monday that cornerback Glover Quin did his job on the Hail Mary pass, but others involved in the play didn’t, which contributed to the 50-yard touchdown pass from David Garrard to Mike Thomas with no time remaining in Jacksonville’s 31-24 victory.

Quin went up high and batted the ball down with both hands, but it hit Thomas in the stomach, and he held it at the 1-yard line and crossed the goal line for the winning touchdown.

“Everybody has a job to do in that situation,” Kubiak said. “Glover did what he was supposed to do. The ball went to their guy, but there’s nothing he (Quin) could do about that. We did a poor job trailing the play. We didn’t get in our best position to block out. It’s unacceptable as a team that we didn’t get our job done in that situation.”

I really feel bad for that Texans player (Quin) who batted the ball into the receiver’s arms. That’s what you are taught to do — spike the ball instead of going for the interception. Sad thing is, it looked like he could have easily picked that pass off.

Nice to see that the NFL has reached a point where the offensive players are allowed to be more physical than the defensive players.

As much as I like seeing the Ravens on the short end of a highlight, that was offensive pass interference.

Still can’t believe I thought the Falcons drafting Matt Ryan was a bad pack. I’m horrible at evaluating QB talent. I think every high first-round draft pick is a bust. Except for Peyton Manning and Ben Roethlisberger; I knew those two were going to be good.

I always had a soft spot for Wade Phillips, and with the way the Cowboys played Sunday night against the Packers I think getting fired is the best thing that could have happened to him.

The Dallas Cowboys have fired head coach Wade Phillips, NFL.com reported on Monday.

The widely anticipated move, reported by various local Dallas outlets, followed a 45-7 pounding by the Green Bay Packers on Sunday that dropped the NFC East team to 1-7.

Phillips will be replaced on an interim basis by offensive coordinator Jason Garrett.

My God, the Cowboys never bothered to show up last night. Hell, they have barely showed up at all this year.

Thank God.

Jon Miller and Joe Morgan’s 21-year run on ESPN’s “Sunday Night Baseball” is over.

Morgan’s contract is expiring and he will not be renewed. Miller’s contract is also expiring though he may remain at ESPN working the “Sunday Night Baseball” series and postseason baseball for ESPN Radio.

“Jon and Joe have contributed greatly to the success of ‘Sunday Night Baseball’ for the past 21 seasons,” ESPN executive vice president Norby Williamson said in a statement Monday. “Over the last two decades, Joe went from Hall of Fame player to one of his sport’s top analysts and Jon’s Hall of Fame voice and tremendous knowledge of the game have connected with baseball fans everywhere. We owe them our deepest thanks for an outstanding body of work.”

Miller, the play-by-play voice, received the Baseball Hall of Fame’s 2010 Ford C. Frick Award. Morgan, the color commentator, was a two-time National League MVP with the Cincinnati Reds. The second baseman was elected to the Hall of Fame in 1990.

I never had a problem with Miller, but good riddance to Morgan. Still though, 21 years is a long-ass time.

Today’s lesson? Throw a game or two in the regular season — nobody likes a dynasty.

A 5th grade football team has been denied a chance to show off their skills after having an excellent season. The Sedalia Junior Outlaws were banned from the playoff games because they’re too good and now the team’s coach is speaking out.

The kids earned a spot in the playoffs after dominating their league. After being told they weren’t allowed to play, the kids are heartbroken and coaches are confused. The team made a splash by going 6-0 in the regular season in the West Central Youth Football League.

“It’s very exciting and a lot of hard work and preparation,” said coach Ben Lyles. “After playing above expectation, it’s hard to put into words.”

The coach’s son and his other 18 teammates, like Terrance Callaway, had just one more wish.

“Our wish was that we go the the championship and play Pleasant Hill again,” said player Terrance Callaway.

But there was a catch, and the kids and coaches were thrown for a loop when right before the playoffs they received a disappointing email from league officials.

The email said despite their 6-0 season, officials had talked to teams in the league and they didn’t feel like they could be competitive with the Outlaws, so they were asked not to participate in the playoffs.

And just like that, the Outlaws were outlawed from their post season. It was hard for the kids to understand.

The coaches were troubled because they said several other teams in other age divisions of the league also went undefeated, and they went to the playoffs. The coaches heard nothing more from the league besides that their team received an honorary champion designation.

FOX 4′s attempts to reach league officials were unsuccessful.

The only way I could even begin to sympathize with the shit-dicks who came down with this decision is if the Outlaw coaches took all of the uber-good kids and kept them as their own. Let me explain.

I have no idea how these teams get their players. If each league had a bunch of kids to pick from, skill tests were performed and all the best kids were placed on different teams, followed by the second-tier talent being spread around, etc., that’s one thing. However, if some coach was able to get a bunch of top-tier athletes on his team, then the Ban Hammer should have been implemented long ago. I have no idea if this happened, but if it did then I have a problem.

When I was a kid, I bowled in some kid’s league for years. The first week or two of the season was spent just bowling for fun. Then when we all had some games under out belt teams were made according to talent. Well, one of the adults who was a “bigwig” in our league had a son who was an excellent bowler. Problem was this kid never had a solid supporting cast. In the years I was there, his teams were never really in contention for a league championship. Then magically one year he was placed on a team … with two other bowlers who had previously been team captains.

Coincidence?

And when the going got tough, the tough (me) dropped out.

Not only was I losing interest, but I really didn’t like anyone there anyway. Now that’s a shocker. Not sure if this Dream Team won the league championship that year, but with a record of something like 20-0 by the time I called it a career, I would have put money on them going all the way.

So for the last few days I’ve been hearing the number “400″ associated with Joe Paterno — is it his birthday or something?

Oh, no it’s not.

Joe Paterno has been the head coach at Penn State since 1966, and in the process has won more games in Division I than any other head coach. Saturday, he achieved yet another milestone, winning his 400th game.

It didn’t look like JoePa’s day for the large part of the first half. Northwestern scored a touchdown with 56 seconds left until halftime to push the Wildcats’ lead to 21-0. For the remainder of the game, however, it was all Nittany Lions.

Jokes aside, the guy looks great for his age. If for whatever reason I actually make it that long, I shudder to think what I would be like. Then again, I’m curious to know if I’ll have the same tastes in music 50+ years from now.

Redskins coach Mike Shanahan said Donovan McNabb wasn’t in shape to run a two-minute offense.

Mike Shanahan changed his story in a hurry. The new explanation: Donovan McNabb was benched more because of his body, not his brain.

Less than 24 hours after declaring he yanked McNabb because of a “gut feel” relating to the quarterback’s less-than-full competence in the offense, the Washington Redskins coach instead insisted Monday it was a pre-planned move that had more to do with “cardiovascular endurance” issues.

McNabb, because of nagging hamstring and groin injuries, wasn’t in good enough shape to run a two-minute offense with no timeouts — according to Shanahan.

Soon thereafter, the Redskins brings in … JaMarcus Russell.

Dan Snyder’s fingerprints have to be all over this one.

Already dealing with the kind of locker room backlash only the benching of a popular player can create, the Washington Redskins yesterday brought in JaMarcus Russell for a workout.

The Redskins owner has been awfully quiet (for him) since hiring Mike Shanahan but his kind of move is right up his alley.

Russell, the colossal first overall bust, has been working out in Houston but the Redskins are the first team to bring him for a look.

He was one of 20 players the Redskins brought in yesterday as the team winds down for a bye week break.

Reason #75689 why nonfiction trumps fiction every time.

I pretty much sided with Shanahan during his feud with defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth, but this? Meh.

So Randy Moss got waived by the Vikings earlier this week.

Randy Moss has given his two cents to the Minnesota Vikings and the NFL world for that matter, and it is clear what he thinks of his now former team.

It is official, Randy Moss is now a tenant of the NFL waiver wire, and is no longer listed as an active member of the Minnesota Vikings, or any other NFL franchise for that matter.

Teams have until 4pm eastern time tomorrow to claim Moss, and if no team makes a move the Vikings will be responsible for the remaining three million in salary left on his contract.

At that point Moss would become a free agent, and could sign with the team of his choosing.

So that’s how the whole waiver thing works. I never bothered to pay attention or had any desire to look this up knew that.

But don’t cry for Randy. He found gainful employment.

The Tennessee Titans don’t feel like they took a chance claiming Randy Moss off the waiver wire.

They think they got lucky and hit the lottery.

The Titans are confident the move will translate into wins — maybe even the missing piece that could deliver owner Bud Adams and coach Jeff Fisher their first Super Bowl.

I don’t really care for Moss all that much. While I laughed when he pulled this stunt…

… his time in Oakland and lackadaisical made me sour on him. And truthfully, the reason I still laugh at the above video is mostly for Joe Buck’s over-the-top reaction.

However, the reason I’m posting this entry is because of where Moss played before his second stint in Minnesota.

New England got Moss by trading a fourth-round pick at the 2007 NFL Draft. Three years later, the Patriots shipped Randy off, along with a seventh-round pick, to the Vikings for a third-round pick.

Forget football, with the way the Hoodie manages the salary cap and draft picks, he needs to be running this country.

So whether or not Jenn Sterger meets with the NFL to discuss the Ol’ Gunslinger’s boorish behavior is the size of Favre’s … checkbook.

While we await the decision by Jenn Sterger as to whether or not she will meet with NFL official over the Brett Favre investigation, it seems we have some insight into Brett Favre’s interview with the NFL. According to Jay Glazer of FOX Sports, Favre told officials that while he did leave voicemails for Sterger, there were no images involved.

Some have said that Jenn Sterger’s decision on whether or not to meet with the NFL hinges on whether or not she comes to some sort of financial agreement with Favre. Such an agreement would, of course, have a confidentiality clause.

We’re all whores — the only difference for each of us involves the price. Hmmm, perhaps this should have been one of my “Rules of Life.”

So when Missouri defeated top-ranked Oklahoma last night in college football, the idiot fans ran out onto the field in celebration.

I’m sorry, but watching this always pisses me off. If you want to go out on the field to celebrate your school’s win, then join the team. I wish there were automatic machine gun sentries set to go off whenever these assclowns decide to enter the field of play. Same applies for professional sports, too.

It doesn’t have to be machine guns. Flame-throwers would work.

So the Va-Giants beat the Phillies last night to go to the World Series. And naturally the better half decided to watch the last inning-and-a-half of the game. Why? Because she revels in the failures of this city. As I said before, she will watch a major sporting event involving the City of Brotherly Love just to give that team the finger and shoot out a barrage of expletives. Last night was no different. Below are some of the more choice comments she had:

– On a fan breathing into a Phillies rally towel: “Like that’s going to do any good, you dumbfuck.”

– On another fan who had fingers crossed on both hands up by her face: “Oh I hate you people and I don’t even know you.”

– When a double play was made, ending the 8th inning: “Why don’t you all just create your own nation with fatass (Ed) Rendell as your president?”

– After the last out was recorded in the game: “Look at what all that towel-waving got you — HAHAHAHAHA!”

Please note I’m only recording the comments she made directed at actual people shown on television. I’m not counting all the “Fuck you, fatass” chants, or similar terms of affection toward the city and our state’s (soon to be term-limited) governor.

And, as always, whenever she watches baseball, she has a question for me about the actual aspect of the game. When the Phillies were intentionally walking a batter in the 9th to get to the team’s pitcher, the following conversation was had. You can figure out who’s who.

“Why are they doing that?”

“Because they want to get to the next batter, who’s the team’s pitcher.”

“Why?”

“Because pitchers aren’t usually good hitters, and they have a better chance of getting him out.”

“That’s dumb.”

One final note. The quote about Philadelphia becoming its own state is somewhat work-related. Mrs. kkk deals with the city of Philadelphia, and her department is unable to do anything about its cohorts from the southeastern part of the state. Why? Because the Philadelphia branch wants to be held unaccountable for whatever it is they are supposed to do for the better half’s employer. There’s some exemption Philadelphia has that stems from when this city used to be our nation’s capital. I’m not going to go into detail, but just think of the “diplomatic immunity” guy from “Lethal Weapon 2.”

Note that “not going into detail” translates into “whenever she starts bitching about this during our drive home from work I begin to tune out.”

I’ve got the Giants/Phillies game on now and some guy just hit a lead-off double in the bottom of the sixth with the score tied 2-2.

Tim McCarver just said, “it could be a very, very important hit for the Phillies.”

Ya think?

EDIT: Turns out it wasn’t. I have no idea which team I want to see advance to the World Series. San Francisco or Philadelphia? Ewww.